​Here at Zevizo Properties the online estate agent we like to work hard and play hard. Have some fun on a Friday with our guide to high street estate agent’s language.

Zevizo Properties the online estate agent lists properties from all over the country. Savvy buyers are attracted to us for our good service and our incredibly low fees. We list properties of all price ranges for a fee of just £445 plus VAT.

However, we are always prepared to laugh at the industry we work in and some of the characters we come across. The online estate agent business has revolutionised property selling. However there are still some ‘old school’ traditional estate agents out there and it’s likely you’ll invite one of them to come and value or list your home.

Here is our fun guide to traditional, high street estate agent speak to help you:

What they say What they really mean

It’s an ideal fixer upper/development opportunity – The house has no roof

We are different to the competition – Our Mini Coopers are a different colour

We won’t just advertise your property – We will just advertise your property and charge you £3k

The house is cozy  – You can’t fit a cat in the house let alone swing it

Our fees are reasonable – Our fees are extortionate but so are everyone else’s

It’s in a vibrant, lively neighbourhood – Local Kids will play on your car roof at 3am

The house has real character – It hasn’t been decorated since 1952

It is adjacent to great transport links-  It backs on to Heathrow Airport

I am committed to selling your home – I’ve got two days to hit my sales targets or I’m fired

I get real pleasure from selling your home – I get £1000 for selling your home

We are open and honest – We tell you what you want to hear

I really think you can achieve that price – You have no chance of getting that price

We are experts at handling viewings – We will stand outside the front door on our mobiles

Estate agency is a complex profession – I was working in used car sales until yesterday

We know the area extremely well – We have a map on the wall in the office

We have detailed knowledge of the local market – We know what next door sold for

We pride ourselves on our levels of service – We may return your call within the month

Our negotiators are fully trained – Lucy can touch type

We have a long list of potential buyers – We have no list as everyone looks online

You should list now as the market is picking up – The market is as flat as a pancake

We can get you an offer within weeks – We have no idea how long it will take to sell

Hopefully our guide will help you to negotiate your way through some of the more common high street agent terminology.

If you want to avoid this all together, just use an online estate agent like Zevizo Properties. Our product is simple, transparent and much cheaper than the high street. At just £445 plus VAT you are going to save a fortune.

……………and we haven’t got a Mini Copper.

Have a fun Friday from all at Zevizo Properties

Zevizo Properties is a national, online estate agent marketing properties on all the major property portals. We can sell your property from as little as £445 plus VAT.